Marriage Proposal — Will You Marry Me?

Boomer Women - Dating and Meeting Men For A Long Lasting Relationship

Introduction

Life, in itself is a giant strategy of change administration. We develop from Infancy to Childhood to adolescent to being grownup. On relations entrance, we’ve mother and father. We have kinfolk. We get in contact with many individuals; work together with some folks after which we make few mates, some as Professional Friends and few as Social Friends however there’s one and just one (as of late, I can use the time period «few») individual in our life to whom we promise our life-lengthy dedication. We need to spend remainder of our life with this individual. Before making such dedication, we need to be double positive of ourselves. We seek the advice of all our mates and kinfolk earlier than making such dedication. Those are the selections that we wish to take as soon as and solely as soon as in our life and we do not need to remorse these selections within the later stage of our life. If we take a unsuitable determination or make a unsuitable selection, it haunts us for the remainder of our life.

So, what are the parameters or elements that one considers or retains in thoughts earlier than accepting the proposal of marriage? What goes of their thoughts when somebody proposes them? How do they put together themselves earlier than proposing somebody?

Some Common Parameters and Factors

Being a pal with somebody of reverse gender is one factor. One may go for courting. But, marrying somebody and making a life-lengthy dedication is altogether a unique factor. Males and females have totally different standards and parameters which they take into account and be mindful whereas accepting the wedding proposal. Then, these parameters are in numerous order of precedence and differ from male-to-female and male-to-feminine. I spoke to some folks throughout India to seek out out what parameters they take into account earlier than making a life lengthy dedication to somebody? Hence, these parameters mirror Indian Culture and pondering sample of Indian People, significantly Indian Youths.

Parameters for Males

Males take into account following parameters earlier than making a life lengthy dedication to a feminine.

1. Looks, options and different bodily attributes

2. Respect for his mother and father and kinfolk

3. Character and Values of woman

4. Social — Status of the household

5. Financial Status of the household

6. Past of the woman

7. Education

8. Emotional Stability

9. Must be keen to take-up family tasks

10. Should help him in all conditions and circumstances

11. Considering the current financial situation…she is anticipated to be knowledgeable

(Order of Preference could fluctuate from Male-to-Male)

We mentioned this with many individuals and tried to know and perceive their views and ideas on this. Some of the responses from Males are as follows:

1) Raphael Gilbert (Consultant at Modis International): From my expertise, dedication from a girl relies upon upon her age.

1) Under 25 — Commitment is predicated purely on appears to be like. They fall in love simply however frankly are solely curious about having enjoyable/brief time period commitments that «on the whole» lead nowhere.

2) Over 25 — Once a girl has had sufficient ‘enjoyable’ they steadily start to appreciate that they need kids — a household and many others, and albeit the blokes they thought-about enjoyable are on no account an excellent position-mannequin. They start to vary their priorities from appears to be like… to wage bundle/stability/profession prospects and secondly (and that is usually a should) a humorousness (as if they cannot have the appears to be like they need a man who can at the very least make them giggle!). It’s a tragic however true reality — however they accept us guys pondering (Well he might not be Tom Hanks however at the very least I’ll have an excellent life/money/a pleasant household and I wont be alone).

This sadly, is true for I’d say 80% of ladies. I’m fairly fortunate and have discovered the woman of my desires who VERY fortunately for me would not fall into this class, nevertheless, I problem any lady to inform me I’m unsuitable!

(I’m going to get slaughtered for scripting this).

Men however….

We’re shallow bastards — If we will not stroll down the road being happy with holding fingers with our potential companions then frankly they have not an opportunity of dedication. We’re as shallow as a child’s paddling pool and at the very least I’m courageous sufficient to confess it.

Men’s precedence =

1) Looks

2) Is the intercourse good

3) Does she make me smile

4) Could I spend the remainder of my life with this woman?

5) How a lot BAGGAGE does she have

If 1 and a pair of aren’t sure… a person won’t ever give dedication

2) Andrew Meyer (Owner, Capability Alignment Professionals): I take a little bit of a unique method on this. Most of my expertise is within the US, however I’d suppose anyplace that each folks have equal selection about who they date, these elements would come into play.

The subsequent factor to level out is that there is what folks say they search for after which there’s what folks reply to. Dating shouldn’t be an mental train. I do not suppose there are checklists or a lot intelligence that goes into the equation. There could be some after-the-reality rationalization, however let’s be trustworthy, it isn’t pondering that is happening.

That stated, I’ll begin with what I’m an professional on, being a person.

1) Is a girl bodily engaging to you?

2) Do you sync together with her.

3) Women who meet these two standards shall be dropped in the event that they put up a significant purple flag. Major purple flags embrace — having no feminine mates; main points; and many others.

From my commentary of ladies:

1) Challenge — how difficult is the man to get/management. The tougher the man, the higher

2) How does he make her really feel?

There are loads of issues that may trigger a relationship to go unsuitable or by no means begin, however these are the issues that set off the beginning of a relationship and result in dedication.

3) Pete Berghold (Unix Professional and Perl Hacker at IBM): My causes for marrying my spouse some 30 years in the past are as follows:

She is my greatest pal. My spouse is the one individual from who I’ve no secrets and techniques. None. I do not even attempt to preserve secrets and techniques as a result of she’d see proper by me anyway and work out I used to be holding one thing again.

Our personalities mesh. Where she leaves off I decide up and the place I go away off she picks up.

This is to not say that we do not ever have our variations. There is not any manner in Creation that two individuals are ever going to dwell with each other with out there being one thing that units one another off.

The distinction is available in the place how we cope with these variations and on the finish of the day we respect one another and look after each other sufficient that the variations do not make a giant deal.

When a problem arises the place we’ve a distinction we work it out. And we do not let others «assist» us work it out both.

We additionally have a tendency (with minor variations) to have the identical values.

After 30 years of being collectively and we’re nonetheless loopy about one another we should be doing one thing proper.

4) Phil Johnson, MBL Coach (Master of Business Leadership Coach): My spouse Brenda is my greatest pal.

She is stuffed with love, braveness, integrity, optimism, hope and religion. She has at all times impressed me to be who I’m. Neither of us wants the opposite to be full — however the world is a gentler, happier place once we are collectively. I make her giggle and a smile usually seems on my face once we are collectively. Each 12 months since we have been married we renew our marriage ceremony vows. I ask her if she can be keen to place up with me for one more 12 months.

We are blessed to have discovered one another and we all know it. This is very true this 12 months as Brenda was identified with most cancers final spring. Her radiation and chemo therapies have been accomplished and issues look good. We are like two raccoons or blue jays … mated for all times. I couldn’t think about making this journey with anybody else.

Parameters for Females

Females take into account following parameters earlier than making a life lengthy dedication to a feminine.

1. Security of Present (A man should be employed; working in a reputed firm, at a robust place and naturally with a good-looking wage bundle…the extra it’s the higher it’s.)

2. Good Education (Preferably from Good…reputed institute)

3. Security of Future (Must have desires to chase; objectives to attain. In brief, will need to have potential to turn out to be recognized, well-known and widespread)

4. Intelligence

5. Wealth

6. Looks and Appearance

7. Love and Care for her

8. Character and Values of a Guy

9. Respect for her mother and father and her kinfolk

10. Should not take a look at different women and even have any thought of them

(Order of Preference could fluctuate from feminine-to-feminine)

We mentioned this with many individuals and tried to know and perceive their views and ideas on this. Some of the responses from females are as follows:

1) Dev Deepika (HR Professional At Maersk): Not positive what every particular person appears to be like at as expectations of every particular person is totally different. I’m enclosing excerpt from a e-book that I learn, which states «Finding and Keeping a Life Partner»…I perceive that these have been acknowledged by Dov Heller, M.A.

If you ask most {couples} who’re engaged why they’re getting married, they’re going to say: «We’re in love»; Choosing a life companion ought to by no means be primarily based on love. Love is the results of an excellent marriage not the premise.

Give questions you have to ask your self in case you’re critical about discovering and preserving a life companion.

QUESTION 1: Do we share a standard life function?

Why is that this so essential? If you are married for 20 or 30 years, that is a very long time to dwell with somebody. What do you propose to do with one another all that point? Travel, eat and jog collectively? You must share one thing deeper and extra significant. You want a standard life function.

Two issues can occur in a wedding: (1) You can develop collectively, or (2) you possibly can develop aside. 50% of the folks on the market are rising aside.

Bottom line; marry somebody who needs the identical factor.

QUESTION 2: Do I really feel protected expressing my emotions and ideas with this individual?

Feeling protected means you possibly can talk overtly with this individual. The foundation of getting good communication is belief — i.e. belief that I will not

get «punished»; or damage for expressing my trustworthy ideas and emotions. A colleague of mine defines an abusive individual as somebody

with whom you’re feeling afraid to precise your ideas and emotions. Be trustworthy with your self on this one. Make positive you’re feeling emotionally protected with the individual you propose to marry.

QUESTION 3: Is he/she a menace?

A menace is somebody who’s a refined and delicate individual. How are you able to take a look at? Do they work on private progress regularly? Are they critical about enhancing themselves? A trainer of mine defines an excellent individual as «somebody who’s at all times striving to be good and do the precise «;. So ask about your vital different: What do they do with their time? Is this individual materialistic? Usually a

materialistic individual shouldn’t be somebody whose high precedence is character refinement.

There are basically two kinds of folks on this planet: (1) People who’re devoted to private progress and (2) people who find themselves devoted to

in search of consolation. Someone whose aim in life is to be snug will put private consolation forward of doing the precise factor. You must know

that earlier than strolling down the aisle.

QUESTION 4: How does he/she deal with different folks?

The one most essential factor that makes any relationship work is the power to present. By giving, we imply the power to present one other individual

pleasure.

Ask: Is this somebody who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed?

To measure this, take into consideration the next: How do they deal with folks whom they don’t have to be good to, similar to waiters, bus boys, taxi

drivers, and many others… How do they deal with their mother and father and siblings? Do they’ve gratitude and appreciation?

If they do not have gratitude for the individuals who have given them every thing; are you able to do almost as a lot for them? You can make certain that

somebody, who treats others poorly, will finally deal with you poorly as nicely.

QUESTION 5: Is there something I’m hoping to vary about this individual after we’re married?

Too many individuals make the error of marrying somebody with the intention of attempting to «enhance» them after they’re married. If you can’t absolutely settle for this individual the best way they’re now, then you aren’t able to marry them.

In conclusion, courting would not must be troublesome and treacherous. The secret’s to attempt main a bit extra along with your head and fewer with

your coronary heart. It pays to be as goal as doable when you’re courting; to you’ll want to ask questions that may enable you to get to the important thing

points. Falling in love is a good feeling, however while you get up with a hoop in your finger, you do not need to end up bother since you did not do your homework.

2) Sharon Hill (Sales and advertising and marketing supervisor at Suburban Newspapers of America): I search for a person who ISN’T searching for a girl who’s keen to take up family tasks. YIKES. How outdated have been these guys you have been asking? I’ll do my half, however ideally I’ll pay half of the price of the one that is available in and does it for us.

Support him in all conditions and circumstances? Well, positive if I agree with him however I’ve a thoughts of my very own. If I’ve an opposing view I’ll act on it.

Yes, he should be employed and employed nicely — with an entrepreneurial spirit. That’s not as a result of I need to safe my future. I’ll safe my very own future. I simply admire creativity, ingenuity and ambition.

A person must be witty, inventive, articulate, bold, self-motivated, constructive, loyal, an excellent listener, adventurous and never threatened by a powerful lady. He must be nicely groomed however would not have to be good-looking. His training would not matter in any respect. Many entrepreneurs have succeeded despite their training — not due to it. I make my very own future and my very own safety. I simply search for somebody who could make my free time fulfilling.

Oh, and also you took about males’s ideas concerning the «woman.» He must be supportive of my feminist / equality view level. If he refers to me and different grownup females as a woman I’m out of there.

3) Sheilah Etheridge (Owner, SME Management: Management and Accounting Consultant): For me, I take a look at the next

A. Has a powerful character,

B. How does he cope with life’s points,

C. Does he seize life by the horns and make the most effective of it

D. Do we’ve a deep connection,

E. Is this somebody I can get up to on a regular basis for the remainder of my life and nonetheless smile.

F. Whether he’s trustworthy,

G. Is this somebody I can overtly share all points of life with

H. Can he deal with my directness (many cannot)

I. Is he respectful

J. Can we speak about every thing and comply with disagree

Ok. Do we praise one another

L. When we’re 90 and the intercourse is much less frequent will there be different issues we get pleasure from sharing

M. Do we get pleasure from doing «nothing» collectively — that is extra essential than you suppose

N. Can I belief him with my coronary heart and my life

4) Laura Bell Greeno (Business Development Professional): From a 37 12 months-outdated Christian (feminine) perspective, I’d not make a life dedication to a person who did not know God. A person’s love for God has turn out to be probably the most engaging factor to me.

Without related objectives, beliefs, and life goals…I feel it might be tougher to remain collectively for a lifetime (though not not possible by any means).

Knowing that, my potential companion is «like-minded» spiritually. After that, as I take a look at your ideas round ladies’s preferences, I must say they might be prioritized fairly otherwise for me (USA feminine).

I. Intelligence

II. Sense of humor (not listed above)

III. Job (though I disagree along with your ideas round place/energy/wage…not that essential for me…extra essential can be respect from friends…that he’s good at what he does)

IV. Looks and look (clear is nice)

V. Love of God (respect/values/character/love/wealth all comes with this)

The safety of future…you describe as potential, ambition…and recognition, fame, et cetera. Framed in that sense, these are of little concern to me.

Conclusion

Someone advised me, one shouldn’t get married simply because your folks are getting married or your mother and father need to you get married. For them, your marriage is nothing greater than operate and an event for social get collectively. So, you need to be positive of your self earlier than getting dedicated to somebody. You should be ready on your marriage, bodily, mentally, emotionally and financially. Tomorrow, you shouldn’t sit and remorse your determination, as a result of if that may occur it would have hostile impact in your life. It will have an effect on the tempo of your life.

So, take your time earlier than making life-lengthy dedication to somebody.

Acknowledgement

I wish to say due to following folks with out whom I couldn’t have accomplished this text.

1. Laura Bell Greeno (Business Development Professional

2. Sheilah Etheridge (Owner, SME Management: Management and Accounting Consultant)

3. Sharon Hill (Sales and advertising and marketing supervisor at Suburban Newspapers of America)

4. Dev Deepika (HR Professional At Maersk)

5. Phil Johnson, MBL Coach (Master of Business Leadership Coach)

6. Pete Berghold (Unix Professional and Perl Hacker at IBM)

7. Andrew Meyer (Owner, Capability Alignment Professionals)

8. Raphael Gilbert (Consultant at Modis International)

Kindly share your feedback and suggestions on this text.

Regards

Sanjeev Himachali

(BLOG: http://sanjeevhimachali.multiply.com/journal/ and http://sanjeevhimachali.blogspot.com/ )